sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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