I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
