Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i love accidental penises.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
