my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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