I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
