I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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