Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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