I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
