His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
