How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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