I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
