Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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