You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
