If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
