dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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