You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
worst night to have a conscience
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
