He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
