sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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