he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize