Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
