I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
