your thong is hanging out like whoa
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize