Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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