you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
