we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize