Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
