theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
