I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
