White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
