you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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