Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
