I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
