whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
