I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
