Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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