Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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