She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My pussy is not your playground.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
