sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize