GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
