I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
