She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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