I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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