This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
