I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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