mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
