she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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