my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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