she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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