I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize