Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
