Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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