That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
