Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
did you just send me my own nude
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
