I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
