it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
