oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
