guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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