I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
