His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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