just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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