No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
