Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
