did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
