I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
