We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We're too hungover to prance.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
