Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
