Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize