??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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