I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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