A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
