If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
